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Anthea
Posts:2
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| 10/29/2009 1:48 PM |
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What can I do so I don't become like the majorityof women in this book? I don't want to become insecure, moddy and attention-seeking, I just want to do what God wants me to do. How do I do this?
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Anthea
Posts:2
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| 10/29/2009 1:49 PM |
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| I'm speaking about "For Men Only". |
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maallen3
Posts:8
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| 05/11/2010 12:35 PM |
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Don't worry about what the guys book says. To a man almost all women
look moody and emotional and insecure because we are different from them.
We are
supposed to be different from men! If you try to be the oppisite of the
descriptions in the book, you will only end up more male. Ahhhh!
It is good to be female. I didn't think that for a very long time. I
was sure if I was male things would be easy. Now, I embrace the fact
that I am female.
God made me a girl for a reason. I don't need to try and act masculine.
My advise is to be who you are but read "For women only". It tells women
how to act like women, but still take care of their men. I learned a
ton.
Men are supposed to act like men and women like women. Anything else is unnatural.
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nazarene
Posts:7
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| 07/10/2010 4:17 PM |
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Yeah, I agree with Maallen3. I'm a guy. I certainly don't want any woman to cut herself off from her femininity. God knows, we have enough women cutting themselves off from that, and men as well from their masculinity.
John Gray says that a woman who suppresses her femininity becomes an 'INDEPENDENT" woman, or Uber independent- such as they aren't able to receive, share, talk, or let a guy open doors. Nothing wrong with self-reliance itself though, just as there's nothing wrong with being nice or sensitive for a man, but taken to extremes. He becomes a 'nice guy/people pleaser' when he suppresses his masculinity.
But we do have other sides I think. When men suppress their female/feeling/emotional side they become macho. When women suppress their smaller but still existant male side, they become martyr/victims, John Gray says. Whiel I don't know if this is true or how it can be proved, I like the idea, and just as women probaly don't want macho jerks, men don't want the women to act like victims and martyers, blaming others and becoming resentful. Yet they don't want them to be any less women. I'd rather have a full woman who acts like a victim and damsel than one who denies their need for a man, but I'd rather have a lady who was balanced. I can't and won't put a percentage on it, but there's a bit of male in the female and vice versa- maybe only 10 percent, or 1 percent. I can't put a number on it, but I think it's there. Accessing it unhealthfully, in self-denial is role reversal. Accessing it healthfully is integrating the self- in a Jungian sort of way, I think.
But yeah I think you reading For Women only is the key, and just be yourself. Be your better self, but your honest self. Also, when you understand men better, you do not need to make him responsible for all your needs or displace blame onto him for something he's innocent about. You can come up with better strategies for meeting your needs, although he certainly plays a huge part.
Attitude is everything.
Often we do the hurtful thing because we feel powerless. we feel powerless because we don't know where or can't believe we have power, when we actually, each gender, in gender specific areas, possess an abundance for motivating the opposite sex. When we tune in to where we have power, then we don't have to resort to dirty tricks or contemptuous and disrepectful or unloving attitudes. Honey attracts more flies than vinegar.. but first we have to know and believe we each have our versions of irresistable honey, when we often depressedly think all we have is vinegar. I don't believe punishment ever motivates without resulting in long term loss of love and fear, but even if it can, it's definitely unwise to use it when the other person had goodwill but was simply confused  See, never punish a kid who just didn't understand the rules, because that comes across to him as grossly unfair. Willful disobediance might be another story. And when men and women hurt each other, if they are unaware of how they did so, they do not deserve nastiness. They deserve an explanation in neutral tones.
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