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chantelmclark
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| 01/17/2010 7:11 PM |
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| ok a huge thing I struggle with is trust. The little lies about things that are trvial and a few big lies that have made several trials on our part.
I fully respect him as a man, a solider, and a father. How can I get the trust mixed with the respect, since it clearly seems to go hand in hand.
I read the book on a flight last night and then re read some parts this morning on my flight back. Amazing how much it really made sense, and helped me have an aspect on what really was going on. But the answer is and having prayed this several times, I may not be hearing it. How do we, now that we know why these things are done and what they really want us to know about them, let it go and not let it get deep into us.
ie: I have been gone for 24 hours. Left yesterday afternoon and returned today in the early afternoon. The kids we left home and he said they were being pains, I came home to see him and a friend still playing xbox and the kids room thrashed as well as the majority of my home lol. So when he says the kids are being pains is because they wanted to play with him or wanted his attention, but instead got put into the toy room to play. And when I asked about it, it made a big deal and an arguement. I didnt understand and maybe I didnt sugar coat the question enough so that it didnt seem as me not accusing him of not being able to do something. Im not sure.
There are more then what is said to the play but the issues are still the same none the less.
How can I be sure that I am asking things correctly and not crossing over that issue from respecting him by biting my tongue and letting it eat at me enternally or asking as nicely and polite as I thought I could and him biting my
head off?
I made need just a slap in the face but I am just truely unsure how this all connects to eachother and with ya'll help I really would love to understand to better our relationship so that nothing gets worse and we end up losing eachother, altho I am certain that wont happen, it is a fear. Also goes hand in hand with the trust. With our history on trusting, he broke it, then I forgave and trusted again and it was broke, etc... Im afraid now that if I trust him that he wiill break again and if I dont trust then I will lose him. He struggles with this visual aspect of life. I think I may need to read a few more books they were so helpful wish I could find one of every subject in life. It was amazing and broke it down for me like I was being taught about the man's emotional system in a class room. Thank you shanti..
Chantel |
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JoeMS
Posts:41
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| 02/16/2010 10:58 PM |
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I think it will take time to rebuild trust. Since he has had a problem with being fully honest you have to be somewhat cautious.
I admit I am one of those guys who takes it personally and am offended when I am trying to do something nice and good and she does not trust me, say with a project around the house or directions to a particular location. I am usually good with these things but they are not her strengths. However this type of trust is somewhat different than trust that a previously unfaithful guy will be faithful.
A willingness to be accountable is a way for a guy to rebuild trust. I know of a couple from a different board who is in this situation. He was unfaithful. Now he is showing his wife his PMs and other electronic communication and is going to a men's meeting at church where he can work on his issues. He is also doing other positive things to rebuild the relationship. |
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Lori
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| 04/22/2010 2:01 AM |
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I feel you on this one. I love and respect my husband more then anything, but trust? NO! Mine has had a lying problem since we were first together and I did not realize it until we were a few years in to our relationship. I started realizing that NONE of his stories were lining up. I was not looking for the lies, the web was so tangled that they started to fall in my lap.
The main thing I have to remember is he thought that he was "helping" me by not hurting. In the long run he made it worse. He now knows that, but he can't stop. It has become such a habit for him and now I don't know if I can ever trust him.
How do you build the trust back up, if he is NOT trustworthy?
There are days when I am so hurt by this and just breakdown even if he has not done it in awhile.
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jw2010
Posts:3
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| 08/02/2010 1:22 PM |
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| Trust, respect, love.....try reading The DNA of Relationships for Couples:discover how three couples found new passion. by Robert S. Paul and Dr. Greg Smalley and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The DNA of relationhips helped me understand why I have trust issues and why we argue or "fight" they way we do. Plus knowing what love language I speak and what one he speaks made a huge difference. Interestingly enough of the many books I've read, I don't think he has read any of them.......and our relationship has been growing since I started with book number one. God is good all the time and all the time God is Good!:-) |
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