Mary Jo
Posts:6
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| 03/24/2010 9:58 AM |
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| in the past i would have read all these posts and tried to come up with a solution to each and every problem in here. but since i have read most of FMO i realize that women sometimes just need someone to talk to, not someone to solve all thier problems.
Doug, if that is the ONLY lesson you take away from the books, that's great! Hubby has gotten really good at stopping me as I begin one of my "rants" and asking me "Are you just looking to vent or do you need input?" There are times that I honestly want his opinion and if he always functions on the idea that I'm just venting, I'll get frustrated. If I don't tell him I am just venting or that I do want his input, he asks. That way he knows how to shape his response so that I am most likely to feel loved. |
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Mary Jo
Posts:6
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| 03/24/2010 10:02 AM |
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| It's changed the way hubby and I communicate. We're getting better at not defending the way we function because we know that the other one appreciates the differences between the genders. For example, if hubby needs to start a serious discussion that needs my undivided attention and I've got a dozen things running through my head (multiple windows open so to speak) I know I won't be able to focus on what he's saying. I'll stop him before he gets to far into the discussion and say something like, "I really want to hear what your saying. To do that, I need to chat with you for two seconds about tomorrow's schedule and get a load of laundry in the washer so I can close those windows and not be distracted." He much prefers that to my sitting there pretending to listen and then demonstrating by my comments and behavior later that I didn't hear a thing! |
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runjoelrun
Posts:3
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| 04/06/2010 4:32 PM |
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| I loved the book. Everything was written in an understandable and helpful way. I don't have the book with me now, but the most helpful part was on communicating with and understanding my wife. I had started reading the chapter before a counseling session. I mentioned it subject in counselling. Then I tried to appy it on the way home when we often get into an argument. She said that was the first time she felt understood on an issue that still bothers her 15 years later after we got married. I didn't really feel like I was doing anything differently as how I felt before when I was trying to be understanding but for some reason this time it worked! |
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runjoelrun
Posts:3
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| 04/06/2010 4:40 PM |
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| After reading a woman who said that she felt the way she responded was normal hit a chord with me. It helped to know that everything I was going through was normal also. AND it makes me realize that I'm sure that I have given the impression that my wife was not normal in the way that she was responding to me when she was. |
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no
Posts:1
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| 06/09/2010 8:43 PM |
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| Both books are great and have helped me as the husband. Unfortunately, my wife has no interest in reading FWO. We've had both books about 8 months. I read them one evening as they're short and easy. On the other hand, she has lugged FWO on numerous trips but hasn't read past the first chapter. She expressed enlightenment and interest, but this hasn't translated into finishing. Our original agreement was to read both books and discuss them. I've met my commitment and feel disappointed that she hasn't met hers. No amount of communication--softly and sweetly--has resolved this issue. However, it's typical of her behavior. |
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