| Author |
Messages |
|
Cathy
Posts:1
 |
| 12/21/2010 1:11 PM |
|
| My daughter is 16 years old and is basically a good kid.. except she is so disrespectful of me and her father. She talks down to us all the time, I do try to correct her but my husband do not back me up. He corrects me infront of her all the time.. She has been dating this boy for about 2 years and they fight constantly and makeup and breakup all the time its either her breaking up wiht him or him breaking up wiht her and the other night she was talking with him on the phone about how she did not want him to go to another girls birthday party, it was so bad she was screaming and begging him not to go and I have told her in the past that I think he likes it when she is upset and acting like an idiot screaming and begging him. Well I had enough the other the night. I wanted to take her phone and ground her away from him for awhile. My husband said infront of her it was none of my buisness and it was between her and her boyfriend. I was just wandering what your thought was on this subject? |
|
|
|
|
Hendo
Posts:5
|
| 12/23/2010 6:41 PM |
|
i don't know that this is the right thread for this type of question. i would say that your husband should step up and fill his role in your lives, but not knowing the full situation that's not fair to say. it sounds like you may need some family counseling.
afa your husband: communication is key. "talking" is how to resolve problems. if you can't communicate you can't solve problems. you want to prevent your daughter from making mistakes that you see. maybe your husband thinks that these mistakes are the best way for her to learn. if you don't think so, explain why. you've got to get on the same page.
afa your daughter: if your husband undermines your authority your daughter won't listen to you if she doesn't want to. but she may not listen anyway, really. she may not listen to him. she needs guidance but it doesn't sound like she respects you enough to accept your guidance, so until she falls and needs your support for recovery, or you are able to instill discipline to re-gain her respect, the only thing i can think to do would be to pray for her and always be willing to help guide her on the right path.
|
|
|
|
|
john
Posts:13
|
| 09/07/2011 3:45 PM |
|
this is deeply engrained in her stemming from an insecurity that her dad, the one that shows her what to look for in a man, and mom the one she finds her own identity in, are against each other. This isnt vindictive, it truly is confusion.
It can be remedied, but will take time and will require her to work through fears she may not even know she has yet.
It starts with you and your husband being ONE, resolved and mutually supportive of each other.
Once that is resolved you have to demonstrate this to her.
Its monkey see monkey do, weather you realize it or not, happened to me and everyone else I know, you cant blame yourself or you husband for "not doing it right" you can only work to do it right.
Look at our society, we have a gender crisis in almost every child today. Grown men act like little drama queens and girls try and act like confrontational grown men. She is a ship in a storm with no light house or compass, she needs bearings
Your hubby is the light house, the immovable tower that stands, her reference point, "i have this much distance until the bow smashes on the rocks"
You are her compass, "who am I in relation to the world? where do I go? what do I do?"
Then your hubby again is the reference point, "ok I know that tower doesnt move so Ill start by taking my berrings off that!!"
At this age she is pretty much in your sole domain, 16 years is the point where the edge of the nest is coming fast and off that edge is womanhood, she is treated as a child at this specific point, but the only thing on her mind is adulthood and all its expectations,
soon she will be asking herself "what would my mother do?"
That compass is in the boat with her during the storm, you both need something that wont budge, DAD!!! |
|
|
|
|
|